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The following takes place between 9:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m., on the day of the California Presidential Primary. Events occur in real time.
The life of our CTU mole, Jamey, hangs in the balance, Jack rolls around in a parking lot, and Milo narrows down the location of a cellular telephone to somewhere in North America, maybe. Gaines has lost control of his operation and the big boss is threatening to pull the plug, the money, and Ira's life. Alberta Green finally makes it to the office, but where is Rayburn? Jack follows a lead so bright, he's got to steal shades.  This was the first recording back from the hiatus, and the boys forget how to intro and who the captain is, but they always remember Tom Hanks contributions to cinema. 
Highlights include:
  • Terrible Aerosmith karoake
  • A rare perceptive moment by Rick
  • Jack probably makes Eli poop his pants
  • The kindergarden roast of David Palmer
  • Dr. Alberta Green, love guru
  • Flight 2: Electric Goosaloo
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The following takes place between 8:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m., on the day of the California Presidential Primary. Events occur in real time.

Following the attempt on David Palmer’s life, it takes Jack Bauer approximately 6 minutes to escape FBI custody and give a waitress absolute hell for the whole episode. Gaines starts to lose his cool. Jamey has a very low price tag, Lauren doesn’t earn a tip, and Sherry pulls some strings. The show gets a little gross. The boys question David Palmer’s commitment to fatherhood.
Highlights include:
  • Jack finally tells someone they’re running out of time.
  • Jack’s video game cutscene escape.
  • Milo just wanna get paid.
  • Ill-advised bear mace.
  • The weirdest one-sided phone conversation.
  • The Secret Service secret sauce: incompetence.
  • Kim believes in magic.
  • The plot thickens.
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The following takes place between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m., on the day of the California Presidential Primary. Events occur in real time.
The big labor leaders’ breakfast finally approaches, and the buffet table is pretty disappointing. Jack smuggles a weapon and David Palmer espouses the worst of Democratic politics. Tony Almeida joins the circle of trust, the Secret Service drops the ball, and the boys start to question our bad guys’ motives. Kim and Teri have a close shave. Cush struggles with his segues.
Highlights include:
  • Is David Palmer actually a bad person?
  • Starting to detect some MAJOR PLOT HOLES.
  • The biggest laptop case in existence.
  • Michael brags about all his cool talents.
  • Jack earns a sexy admirer.
  • Tony’s little brother syndrome remains in full effect.
  • Curtis continues to question Jack’s murder prowess.
  • The plot thickens.
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The following takes place between 6:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m., on the day of the California Presidential Primary. Events occur in real time.
The sun is rising in LA, which means everyone has free rein to start shooting guns willy-nilly. Some of the shots even hit their target. The Palmers plan a family meeting. Kim and Teri plot their escapes. Jack takes a hostage. The mole is finally revealed, and the boys’ man-crush on Ira Gaines intensifies with every passing second.
Highlights include:
  • Nina almost solves the entire plot, but it’s only Hour 7.
  • Keith throws a temper tantrum.
  • Rick earns, but does not receive, his final reward.
  • Michael reveals the hard limits of his friendship.
  • Teri makes some questionable choices.
  • Jack worries about unwanted attention. Jack ignores subtlety. Like, just a bunch.
  • Finally, CTU colleagues who haven’t been gettin’ busy.
  • Tony’s nosiness finally comes in handy.
  • Curtis. Was. Right.
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The following takes place between 5:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m., on the day of the California Presidential Primary. Events occur in real time.
This week’s episode delivers a lot of laughter, a lot of love…and one pretty significant murder. The boys are joined by return host Oded who drops some critical orthopedic knowledge. Jack requisitions government property for a family reunion. Senator David Palmer digs deeper into family secrets. Rick digs to China, and Janet catches her breath. The wheels come completely off the podcast at least three times.
Highlights include:
  • Death, the ultimate health complication.
  • Tony practices helicopter parenting
  • Palmer’s Secret Service details has more holes than 24’s plot.
  • Suspicious Dad is definitely a human who produced a human daughter through consensual human sex.
  • #NotMyFirstLady
  • Autopsy is a team sport.
  • This is a Captain Chesley “Sully" Sullenberger podcast now.
  • Never pull out. Of the political race.
  • Jack breaks a promise for the last time.
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The following takes place between 4:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m., on the day of the California Presidential Primary. Events occur in real time.
The boys lament the lack of dope-ass codenames among our bad guys, and federal agents continue to pretend warrants don't exist. Jack successfully manipulates literally everyone he talks to and shows some pretty serious disdain for due process. David Palmer wrestles with a heavy conscience, and a member of his family blessedly catches a nap. Alan has a really dumb face. Dan hits the deck. George Mason has inconvenient timing, and Curtis weighs the merits of just letting Kim Bauer die.
Highlights include:
  • Surgical theater, free admission.
  • I just love you. To death.
  • Janet has the quickest surgery of all time.
  • Is Jack just a deadly Michael Scott?
  • Journalistic integrity crumbles like a toddler-made cookie.
  • Mason realizes time is a flat circle and Jack never stops.
  • All white girls are the same to Curtis.
  • Jack finally realizes he works for a federal agency.
  • Rick gets a promotion.
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The following takes place between 3:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m., on the day of the California Presidential Primary. Events occur in real time.
Welcome to the witching hour on the day of the California primary. In the fourth hour of the first longest day of Jack's life, we get a whole raft of 24 firsts: Jack’s first dammit, first CTU lockdown, our first Jack Bauer team-up! Alan and Teri get away with being white, the Palmers practice dangerous breakfast habits, Kim inadvertently promotes the murder of her best friend, and Jack goes rogue for the first – and almost certainly the last – time.
Highlights include:
  • Hey Rayburn, eat a danish on your own time.
  • David Palmer sips on some danger juice.
  • Y’all wanna watch some tube?
  • Jamey hacks things very slowly.
  • Jack meets his greatest enemy: stairs.
  • Everyone been on that Rosetta Stone tip.
  • Michael forgets about being white.
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The following takes place between 2:00 a.m. and 3:00 a.m., on the day of the California Presidential Primary.
Events occur in real time. 
In the third hour of the first longest day of Jack's life, his wife Teri does...well, nothing. Senator David Palmer faces a dark revelation from his family's past, Bridgit and Mandy make an ill-advised power play, Janet gets a taste of that black tar heroin, Jack confronts suspected mole Nina Myers, and mutiny begins a'brewing!
Joined by our first special guest, the gang tackles all of this and much, much more in this third episode of Longest Day of Our Lives.
Highlights include:
  • Mandy keeps her backhand strong.
  • Michael continues his good good music insights.
  • Hooligans gonna hooligan.
  • Janet receives the ultimate painkiller.
  • Jack Bauer's tattoos push the boundaries of good taste.
  • Kim interrupts the new BJ economy and ignores spinal stabilization protocols.
January 15, 2017

Day 1, Hour 2 - Thumbs Up!

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The following takes place between 1:00 a.m. and 2:00 a.m., on the day of the California Presidential Primary.
Events occur in real time. 
In the second hour of the first longest day of Jack's life, Jack gets his first on-screen kill, Palmer ghosts from his hotel room to take care of a secret, we meet our first Big Bad of the season and find out that the Kimnapping is part of the larger conspiracy, and Jack maybe finds out the identity of the CTU mole. 
The gang tackles all of this and much, much, more in this second episode of Longest Day of our Lives.
Highlights include:
  • Almost boobies and pyromania
  • Terrible music in the Rick & Douche shaggin' wagon
  • Palmer lies about his basketball accomplishments
  • Jack's questionable conditioning and catching abilities
  • Terri doesn't know how to talk to an answering machine
  • The financial and scheduling logistics of presidential candidate assassination attempts
January 15, 2017

Day 1, Hour 1 - Kimnapped!

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The following takes place between midnight and 1:00 a.m., on the day of the California Presidential Primary.
Events occur in real time. 
In just the first hour of the longest day of Jack's life, Jack has to deal with a daughter who has snuck out to party, a credible threat on a presidential candidate's life, a boss he has to shoot with a tranq gun to get important information, a possible mole in CTU, and finally, a 747 blowing up in midair over the Mojave desert. 
The gang tackles all of this and much, much, more in this first episode of Longest Day of our Lives.
Highlights include:
  • Why is everyone's hair so awful?
  • Jack's very professional wardrobe
  • Curtis tells us who been f'in
  • How is Kim this terrible?
  • Jack's hierarchy of compromise
  • Horny assassins and their methods